Weekend Preview: The Beginning

Oh hey, almost didn’t see you there. Come closer…I won’t bite. And if I do, don’t fret…I’m 99% sure I’m rabies-free. Still waiting on the test results, but I’ve got a good feeling about this one! What happened was I was walking down the street, minding my own business, when out of nowhere, this dog came out and bit me!

The dog that bit me. Somebody should have it put down.

             This is my first ever weekend preview for www.boompopmedia.com, and I couldn’t be more excited. For those unfamiliar with the format, I’ll be taking a look at the weekend ahead, and giving you a few fun tips on how to spend your time.    

Movies

First up is The Internship, which will probably be a lot like Wedding Crashers, only rated PG-13…also not funny. Some are describing this movie as essentially a feature-length advertisement for Google, which is nice, because that company could really use the press.

Interns??? But those two are wayyyy too old to be interns!!! LOLZ!!

The other big release this weekend is The Purge, a horror/thriller about a dystopian near-future America where, for one 12 hour period every year, all crime—especially violent crime–is not just legal, but also strongly recommended by the government. So it’s sort of similar to what Uganda is like every day of the year, I suppose.

Home video releases were a little underwhelming this week. There’s Bullet to the Head, but unless you live in an alternate universe where people care about this movie, you probably don’t care about this movie.

My pick for what to watch this weekend is an older one: Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. This is normally where I’d make some snarky joke at the movie’s expense, but it’s one of my top 5 favorite films of all time, and unlike Chris Brown, I don’t hurt that which I love.

Smile if you’re a terrible person!

Television

The season finale of Game of Thrones airs Sunday, and it should be pretty awesome.

Reader interaction time: If you could be any Game of Thrones character, who would you choose? Whatever you do, DON’T SAY YOUR CHOICE OUT LOUD OR TELL ANYONE, because then the wish wizard won’t grant it.

Oh wish wizard…why art thou such a harsh mistress?

One show that I’ve really gotten into lately: Family Feud, which is on the Game Show Network and is fantastic.

Fun fact: Family Feud host Steve Harvey, a devout Christian, has said that atheists are idiots who have no moral barometer, so that’s cool. He also says that he’ll walk away from someone he knows to be an atheist, instead of talking with them. If you’re looking for the Bible verse that advises that behavior, you probably won’t find it. But it’s all good, because he’s obviously got a finely-tuned moral barometer. No question about that.

Oh and he also seems to have a pretty good grasp of evolution:

“You just can’t tell me this spun out of a gasterous [sic] ball, and then all of a sudden, then we were evolved from monkeys…why we still got monkeys?”

Nailed it!

Survey says……….Dumbass!

 

Music

Queens of the Stone Age released a new album this week called “…Like Clockwork.” As far as I know, I’ve never listened to a Queens of the Stone Age song, but I’m sure this album is just fantastic. Oh, Alice in Chains dropped an album last week. Yep, THAT Alice in Chains! I haven’t really considered the existence of Alice in Chains since maybe–gosh I don’t know–the early 2000’s? I guess I just kind of assumed that they disappeared into the ether along with Lou Bega and The Baha Men.

A little bit of irrelevance in my life…a little bit of unemployment by my side….

Video Games

Something called Remember Me came out this week, but I have no idea what that is, so moving on! Oh cool, The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim (Legendary Edition) came out too. I don’t really get the “Elder Scrolls” games—could they have possibly chosen a more boring title for a series of video games? For me, the title is pretty apropos, as the games themselves are also punishingly dull. I’ve heard that once you get past the 26 hour mark, they almost become playable. But really, who has the time? Or to put it another way:

Truth.

Other Activities

Watching a baseball game-You know that maxim “Time flies when you’re having fun.” Well this activity in no way applies to that. At all.

Napping-It goes without saying, but napping is incredible. Pro tip: if you ever wake up from a nap and you’re still tired, just go back to sleep, silly!

Watching YouTube videos-If I had a nickel for every Keyboard Cat video I’ve seen, I’d probably have enough nickels to exchange for a couple $1 bills.

So trill.

Oh great, I just got my test results back. It’s really just a formality…I’m almost positive I don’t have rabies……

My test results

Oh….well fuck.