Paula Deen in Talks to Join BET (Satire)

Just one day after learning the Food Network would not renew her contract, television culinary host Paula Deen shocked television insiders by announcing she’s in talks to host a new show on Black Entertainment Television (BET).  Cooking with Watermelon, as the project is tentatively is being called, would debut in September.

“Paula Deen would bring so much to BET,” said Debra Lee, chairman and CEO of Black Entertainment Television.  “Deen has a lifetime of support and tolerance for the African American community,” Lee continued.

Deen added to Lee’s sentiment.  “I have always had a special place in my heart for the blacks. The janitorial staff on my Food Network shows were almost all African Americans.  And let me tell you, they cleaned up my messes real good,”  Deen added, “My valet driver at the Emmy awards this year was also of a darker skin persuasion.  At first I wasn’t thrilled with the idea, but after he gave me my keys back, my concerns were alleviated.”

“It’s that type of tolerance that we think would be an excellent fit for BET,” Lee added.

Cooking with Watermelon aims to put Deen’s recent controversies in the past.  “The show will be designed to showcase African American cuisine, talents, and lifestyle,” Deen told BoomPopMedia in an exclusive interview.

“I may be Southern, but I’m not stupid,” Deen said, “there are just some things that black folks are better at than the whites.  My new show endeavors to shed light on their extraordinary talents. I’m not sure most people know just how talented those people are,” Deen commented.

Deen tells BoomPopMedia the new show will be much more than a cooking program.  The show will also include in-house performances by Deen’s favorite tap dancers.  Sports will also be included in the new show.  Deen plans to feature up and coming basketball stars.

“Black folks are just so good at basketball, and have done so well in the NBA, I’d like to bring their incredible stories to our audience,” Deen said.

If that’s not enough, Deen plans interviews with famous African American celebrities as a regular feature on her program as well.

“We’ll go sit out on the front porch and have a chat.  Or, maybe we’ll have to use the back porch.  I’m not sure what the laws are around here,” Deen said, “You have to be careful in my neighborhood.  You don’t want to create ill will with your neighbors by having certain folks being seen in your home.”

Deen says on other occasions, she will try to “become one of them” and “immerse [herself] in African Americanism.” Deen says she will apply dark makeup when she wants to appear particularly relatable to her black audience.

“I don’t think I’ll fool anybody, but I think the best way for me to come across to them is when I’m in blackface,” Deen argued.

Deen is also looking to staff up her new show.

“We’d like to improve the jobs situation among African Americans, and we have some openings they’d be perfect for,” Deen said.

Pressed further, Deen elaborated on what she’s looking for.

“You know what I really want is for them to wear long-sleeve white shirts, black shorts and bow ties, you know in the Shirley Temple days, they used to tap dance around,” Deen remarked, using the exact same words her former employees allege.

None of the above parties are affiliated with or endorse BoomPopMedia. The above story is entirely satirical and fictional and is written with humorous intentions.

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